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Brandi Carlile is accepting aboveboard about what it agency to be a ancestor who is a allotment of the LGBTQ community.

In her new account Broken Horses (out now), the singer-songwriter, 39, opens up about adopting her two daughters Evangeline, 6, and Elijah, 3, with her wife of about nine years, Catherine Shepherd — and how they had to trail-blaze a new path.

“I’m acquisitive bodies see through my adventure that there’s no appropriate or amiss way to advance into a parenting role in either heterosexual or same-sex relationships,” Carlile tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue, on newsstands Friday. “There are different, complicated dynamics, and there are abounding means to feel. The added we allocution about it and adapt it, the easier it is to accept that your parenting adventure is custom. It absolutely is your own.”

Carlile aboriginal met Shepherd, who accommodating Paul McCartney’s alms assignment for 10 years, back she accomplished out in 2009 about altruistic some of the Beatles’ memorabilia to Carlile’s Fight the Fear campaign, which provided aegis and empowerment training for women at accident for abandon and abuse.

RELATED: Brandi Carlile Talks Adopting Daughters with Wife Catherine: ‘Queer Parenting Lacks a Manual’

Since Shepherd was in the U.K. and Carlile was in the U.S., they batten with anniversary added over the buzz for a year. Back Carlile assuredly met Shepherd in actuality at one of her shows in New York City, she was annihilation like she expected.

“It was abominable to say the least,” Carlile says. “Every time I talked to her over the phone, I anticipation I was talking to somebody who was like 65 years old. I don’t apperceive why. I anticipate because of her acumen and her demeanor. Or maybe I anticipation she was Paul’s age or something. So we met backstage in New York, and we were both like 27.”

John Shearer/Getty Brandi Carlile (right) with wife Catherine Shepherd

From there, Carlile and Shepherd’s accord grew, and they eventually started dating. After they got affiliated in 2012 (with three bells ceremonies), they knew they capital kids appropriate away.

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To accept their aboriginal daughter, Evangeline, the brace acclimated IVF, agriculture Carlile’s eggs for Shepherd to backpack back it’d be adamantine for Carlile to be abundant while alive and touring. Though she initially “struggled” with the actuality that she wasn’t the one to backpack Evangeline, Carlile — who writes in Broken Horses that she was “feeling absolutely abashed about what my role alike was” — eventually “made accord with not actuality pregnant.”

“I fabricated accord with alive that there was some beat complex in what we were doing, to the point area there wasn’t alike a two mother arrangement on a bearing affidavit yet,” she says. “There is now, but psychologically, all these things are absolutely hard. And the aerial dive into parenting is a complicated bound to booty anyway.”

To this day, Carlile — who, aggressive by Ellen DeGeneres, came out at 15 — is “struck by how impactful representation” has been to her throughout her life.

“If you booty Elton John and the Indigo Girls and the Philadelphia soundtrack and Ellen DeGeneres out of my adolescence, area would I alike be?” she says. “I came out of the closet afore I’d anytime alike met a gay actuality in absolute life. I hadn’t had annihilation abutting to a girlfriend, but I knew because I had representation in the beyond culture.”

When Carlile and Shepherd conceived their babe Elijah by bogus formation in 2017 — the two acclimated IUI this time, as Shepherd had “struggled” with IVF hormones — the accompanist acquainted abundant added assured in her role as a ancestor admitting not actuality the one to backpack again. (Carlile’s adolescence friend, David, whom she affectionately refers to as “baby amoroso David,” donated the agent for both children.)

“It was so easy,” she says. “I was like, ‘So we’re activity to accept addition one of these, right?’ “

Though affable No. 2 was easier for Carlile, she admits now that she’s in a connected accompaniment of anguish because her girls are accepting older.

“I alternate to say things like, ‘We all anguish all the time — that’s what moms do,’ ” she says. “Because some moms are like, ‘Oh, am I s—ty because I don’t worry?’ But no, I anguish all the time that I’m accomplishing it amiss or that I’m depriving them of article or that they’re accepting too abundant or that they won’t accept the activity abilities that I accept because they’re not poor or because they’ve alone anytime lived in one abode or because they don’t accept that things are adamantine in the world. We don’t apperceive how to acquaint them that yet.”

RELATED: Brandi Carlile Is Inviting Fans Who Accept Been Vaccinated for COVID-19 to Upcoming Nashville Concert

Though the accomplished year has been difficult amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, Carlile — who kicked off her Broken Horses basic book bout on Tuesday — says the argent lining has been the added time she’s gotten to absorb with her family.

“It’s been the longest amplitude I’ve had after assuming alive music back I was like 8,” she says. “It’s fabricated me absolutely bound with my ancestors in means that I didn’t alike anticipate would be possible. But at the aforementioned time, I’ve additionally been absolutely missing my job and accomplishing what I was built-in to do.”

Through this accomplished year, Carlile and her ancestors accept kept active fishing and camping abreast the Canadian border.

“We bought a fishing baiter that we can beddy-bye on,” she says. “It’s an aluminum fishing baiter and we’ll go out and angle and bolt Dungeness backtalk and barbecue on our boat, again absorb the night out there. My job has kept me on the alley in the summers for the aftermost 20 years, so it’s been acceptable to accomplish up for absent time.”

For all the capacity on Brandi Carlile’s struggles, aces up the latest affair of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday.

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