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In November 2018, TV announcer Nick Leighton started dabbling with the abstraction of hosting a podcast about etiquette.



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“There wasn’t a absolute event,” Leighton says by buzz from his home in Manhattan. “For me, it acquainted cumulative, a growing faculty of, ‘We’re apparently activity in the amiss direction.’ Internet comments were accepting meaner, some of the account was accepting darker. Politeness was absolutely starting to feel added and added elusive. I anticipation maybe there was article I could do about it in my own very, absolute babyish way.”



Soon he’d mapped out a anatomy and arise up with a bold name: “Were You Aloft by Wolves?” A alternate acquaintance alien him to his approaching co-host, Leah Bonnema, a warm, aerated actor banana who seems to abate the edges of Leighton’s stickler tendencies.

“I can be a little algid with my amenities approaches, a little strict,” Leighton admits. “You charge somebody who has a added empathetic, added affecting acknowledgment to these issues.”



Almost anon afterwards they launched “Wolves” in September, the podcast bent on. Adviser questions caked in, conceivably because Leighton and Bonnema were accommodating to booty on any affair — from the arbiter “What’s the able way to eat soup?” to modern-day problems such as co-workers who vape at the appointment or, “Is it OK to apparition a colleague?”

In mid-March, though, aback the coronavirus hit adamantine in the U.S. and New Yorkers aloof into their apartments, the apropos of their admirers afflicted dramatically. Suddenly Leighton was accepting texts and emails about the best affable way to abatement “virtual hangout” invitations from accompany (especially aback it’s accessible you are at home and not contrarily engaged) and, “Is it abrupt to ask addition for their Netflix password?”

MORE AUDIOSPHERE: How two ‘Sopranos’ astute guys launched a podcast from their coronavirus quarantine

Then, intriguingly enough, afterwards a brace of weeks the scenarios alternate to what Leighton categorized as “normal” — a helpmate affiliated aftermost November still hadn’t beatific acknowledgment notes, and a adviser doubtable a therapist of texting during their sessions.

“My faculty is that bodies are currently adequate our appearance as an escape from accepted events,” Leighton says, “and not necessarily attractive to us to counterbalance in on the account of the day.”

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On the podcast, Leighton is the captain of the ship, agilely council the half-hour episodes in a common tone. Meanwhile, Bonnema, who has been accepted to advertise herself by absolution out a bark aces of a Cartoon Arrangement character, is accustomed to bouts of atheism — sometimes by the attributes of the questions but aloof as generally by the starkness of Leighton’s solutions. She describes herself as “a little bit wolf-y.”

Nick Leighton, right, and Leah Bonnema are the hosts of amenities podcast “Were You Aloft by Wolves?”

(Phil Provencio / Eben Hall)

Neither of them affirmation to acquire absolute accreditation on comportment. Leighton generally turns to what he refers to as “the amenities greats” — Emily Post, Letitia Baldridge and Judith Martin, bigger accepted as Miss Amenities — and he consistently takes pains to adduce his sources. But aback asked about his bona fides, he cites his San Anselmo, Calif., accomplishments in a Buddhist family.

“The abstraction of benevolence and affinity and affection was absolute foundational,” he says. “But in agreement of the beam of etiquette, of angle forks and feel bowls, the arrangement of affair that bodies who went to finishing academy in Switzerland ability learn? I didn’t acquire that growing up.”

For several years, he was a connected attendance at East Coast red-carpet events, abnormally in the Hamptons, area acceptable amenities generally brought him success. While abounding celebrities strolled accomplished aggressive, elbow-throwing reporters, they’d frequently stop for him because his appearance was to be absolutely courteous.

“You should ask permission on the red carpet. Like, ‘Oh, Miss Minogue, Do you acquire a moment for me?’ or ‘Oh, Senator. Do you acquire a quick second?’” says Leighton, a backstab Emmy winner. “And if they beneath an allurement again you acquire that alluringly like you would if somebody beneath a banquet affair invitation. You don’t ask why. Celebrities, they’re aloof like us: They appetite to be advised with address and respect.”

MORE AUDIOSPHERE: Documenting some of podcasting’s best alluring shows and hosts

Like Leighton, Bonnema was hardly aloft in the apple of cotillions and acknowledgment notes. The babe of two able ceramicists, she grew up in a northwestern Maine boondocks so tiny that New York activity fabricated her feel like she was consistently arena catch-up.

“My parents are absolute invested in added people, actuality allotment of the community, absent bodies to feel taken affliction of,” she says. “But as far as etiquette, I don’t anticipate that existed. I feel like allotment of this appearance is me still acquirements the rules.”

What she brings to the table, she says, is the bags of hours she has spent on a ball club date celebratory a all-inclusive arrangement of bodies and how they conduct themselves. Aloof this accomplished October she fabricated her arrangement TV admission on “The Late Appearance With Stephen Colbert.”

“I generally accomplish a antic that if comics had to stop alive we could all be profilers for the FBI because we’ve apparent so abundant behavior beyond so abounding situations,” she says. “You absorb so abundant time watching people. So I anticipate that heightens that awareness.” Again she adds, “I’ve additionally been in analysis for a decade.”

“At the end of the day, our ethics are absolute similar,” says Leighton. “She’s not an oaf breaking china, bistro with her hands.”

“Sometimes!” Bonnema corrects him with a laugh.

So far, Leighton and Bonnema acquire had aloof one cogent altercation during the podcast — over whether or not it’s OK to use your adaptable buzz flashlight app to apprehend a restaurant menu. Leighton saw the convenance as inexcusable, comparing the disruption to “waving with their LED all about the allowance like we’re in a European discothèque.” Bonnema was added forgiving: “What if they can’t see? How do you apprehend bodies to read?” But as an bend crept into Leighton’s voice, Bonnema began to wilt. “This is like our aboriginal above disagreement,” she said. “I arrangement of appetite to cry a little bit.”

The adventure did not go unnoticed. “I will say based on the bulk of acknowledgment that I got from our listeners, Leah was right,” Leighton says today, aural contrite. “So I angle corrected. I was wrong. For that I apologized.”

Listener acknowledgment additionally prompted benefit installments for the show, which was originally conceived of as a bi-monthly podcast. Leighton began acquainted about anon that aback they’d get a abrogating animadversion on iTunes it was generally about the ambit amid alpha episodes. The benefit spots, which arise every added anniversary amid approved shows, accord them a adventitious to altercate adviser emails, texts as able-bodied as articulation mail messages, which attracts the best freewheeling queries.

“We got a bashed alarm aftermost week,” Bonnema appropriately reports. “They kept [passing] the buzz aback and alternating and again they got in a action with anniversary other.” “That was the best,” Leighton agrees.

One contempo catechism — “Is there a affable way to eat Cheetos?” — led to the analysis that Leighton has never absolutely eaten a Cheeto. “It didn’t arise up in my macrobiotic-vegan household,” he said afore suggesting that he would action chopsticks to guests if he absitively to serve Cheetos as “an charm bouche.”

Each adventure of “Wolves,” recorded afore the country’s abeyance in Leighton’s Chelsea apartment, goes out about absolutely unedited.

“The way it works is Leah comes over and I accomplish a pot of coffee, again we account and bolt up on life, and again we almanac [several] episodes, which are appealing abundant alive to tape. So what you’re audition is absolutely what we talked about,” says Leighton acceptance that he occasionally has to customs “um”s or a siren bawl on his active street.

Sometimes he feels appropriate to abolish one of Bonnema’s too-lengthy digressions, but alike that is rare. “One of the admirable things about Leah is that her accomplished activity is live, she’s a storyteller. And that’s how I anticipate of the appearance — as a 30-minute adventure with a beginning, average and end.”

Separated by the quarantine, Leighton has been announcement Instagram photos of “before times” trips about the apple and Bonnema has put up excerpts from a 2011 alternation she did alleged “Tips for the Post Apocalyptic Relationship” (“Wow, did I alarm it,” she says). To course them over until they can almanac together, through times of self-quarantine, they’ve banked abundant episodes to get them through May. “But our appearance is advised to be evergreen. It’s meant to be timeless,” says Leighton about the acquaint to be abstruse in their aback catalog, which teems with admonition about abiding damaged gifts, hitting acknowledgment all and burglary babyish names.

In added words, as we apartment in abode central of our homes or delay in a social-distancing allowable bazaar band or booty a head-clearing afternoon airing on about abandoned streets, the rules of amenities still apply.

“The acumen amenities is important is that it’s a set of rules that association agreed upon,” Leighton says. “We apperceive that aback we go to someone’s house, they booty our coat, they action us a drink, we sit down. We apperceive what we’re declared to do aback we airing in. It’s not like, ‘Where do I go? Do I go into your bedroom?’ No! Knowing about amenities can accomplish us feel bigger about like how we’re declared to act. And how we’re absolutely declared to act today is no different. It’s the aforementioned template, it’s still available. We aloof charge to apperceive how to adapt it slightly.”

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